what is love?

How do you know if it's love? Is it the way they look at you with those captivating eyes? Is it the way they hug you, never wanting to let go? How do you know if you want to spend the rest of your life with that special someone? Another living, breathing human being? Love is a complicated thing.

Love is love. To me, loving someone is simply enjoying their presence even if it's in silence. You can't get enough of him or her. Love is making him or her happy because it makes you happy. You want to constantly be with them because you can't get enough of their smell, feel, or presence. You want to talk to them about stuff that you haven't talked to anyone else before. You want to share your hopes, desires, dreams, fears, and build a life with him or her. You want to do stuff that you've always wanted to do and go on adventures with that person. Love is about staying in on a Friday night, ordering pizza and watching a documentary because you don't want to be with anyone else. I don't know about you but I love love. It sounds like an amazing feeling. I hope everyone falls in love and get love like that in return. 

And that's what love is to me. I can see a person in my mind that fulfills that piece in me. The yin to my yang. The sun to my moon. The night to my day. The peanut butter to my jelly. Can you? If not, don't worry, love is out there. It will find us all. I hope you'll find that person to get lost in. That person is waiting for you. Or you might have found the one.

;

Semicolon
(n.) a punctuation mark (;) indicating a pause, typically between two main clauses, that is more pronounced than that indicated by a comma.

Have you ever felt like you just want to give up and take a break in life?

Or maybe just end it entirely? 

Were there things that dragged you and completely broke you down 

to the point that you just want to put a period in your life? 

A final ending. 

I think life is similar to a semicolon. 

A semicolon is used when a sentence could have ended, but it wasn't. 

I have found a new love to this punctuation mark. 

It probably is the most confused and ignored punctation, but holds ultimate power. 

Everyone is an author to their own story. 

If you feel like this story is not what you want to read, write a new one. 

You have the power to write a good one.

Please don't let your story end.

imperfections

"I know I'm going against "beauty laws"

But I find beauty in your many flaws

I love your crooked smile

I just wish it would stay awhile

I love how you are so shy

It's so cute, and you don't even have to try

I love you for being a human

You're the inspiration for my paper and pen

Again, I love you for your imperfections

You don't need any corrections"

- Anonymous

halloween

Night is dark, 

leaves falling, 

costumes are out, 

pumpkin patches, 

corn mazes; 

it's almost time. 

It's Halloween.

I think it is the most creative and fun of all holidays. 

I see carved pumpkins light up and spooky decorations on front yards. 

Halloween is where you can dress up and be somebody else for one night. 

This is a chance where we let our inner monsters come out. 

We can be whoever we want to be. 

And we can do it all again next year.

Happy Halloween!

religion

Religion - Lana Del Rey

Cause you're my religion, you're how I'm living

When all my friends say I should take some space

Well I can't envision that for a minute

When I'm down on my knees, you're how I pray

Hallelujah, I need your love

Hallelujah, I need your love

<3

going back to school

So I know I haven't been blogging a lot lately. I'm terribly sorry. But that's because...

I'm back at school!

Many of you do not know but after dropping out of college, majoring in culinary arts, I decided to take two years off to work. I felt that doing culinary and working in a restaurant/kitchen environment isn't for me. I do love cooking and baking, it's just really different in a restaurant. I feel a lot better to do it at home. :)

I then got a full-time job working with my mom. (She got me the job, thanks mom). I worked at a screen-print and embroidery shop, making logos for clothing. I was a heat presser, pressing images/names/text onto shirts. It is kind of fun when you think about it, it's just a bit boring because that's all you do every day. And it does get very hot in the summer! Also, you have to be very careful to not mess up. I for sure messed up way too many times. I also got yelled at by my boss, who I really do not like. But I learned that it's okay to mess up. 

After working for awhile, I wanted to do something different. I wanted to go back to school. At first, I didn't know what I want to go into. There are so many options. After talking about it with my mom, I wanted to do something with health. However, I felt that being a nurse is way too hard for me. It's a lot of work. So I did some research of health related jobs and came across a recreational therapist. 

What is it you may ask? Well, it is someone who helps a person with illness, physical, emotional, or social disabilities who cannot participate in some recreational activities. I help promote health and wellness to all people, no matter their life situation. I feel that everyone deserves to have leisure/recreation time. 

Now, I am currently studying in this program since September. And I am loving it! It's so much fun. I wanted to blog about it in September but I was already getting so busy with school and stuff. But I just want to let everyone know since I am in school, I may not be blogging a lot. I will still be here and will post a bit here and there, but it's gonna be less. I miss reading everyone's blogs and your lovely comments. I will try to catch up with all your posts. Because reading your blogs are the reason I'm still here. You guys give me so much inspiration and your writings are always on point with flawlessness. I can go on but this post is already so long. 

Okay guys, I'll catch you up later. :)

Cindy xo

roller coaster

I look down. 

We are approximately 300 feet from the ground. I can almost see the whole park. 

I feel my heart racing as I prepare myself for the drop. 

The adrenaline kicks in and I am ready. 

I screamed at the top of my lungs as we soar down. 

It's going so fast that I feel like I'm flying. 

So many twists and turns, ups and downs, just like life. 

Scary at first, but when you go on the ride, you will feel triumphant. 

We made it to the end and I might just go for another round.

into the forest

I wiped the sweat off my forehead. I'm breathing heavily after climbing up that hill. After many stumbles and trips, I found your hand and held onto it. I know you can keep me from falling. All around me are trees reaching for the sky. I want to meet all the animals that call this home. Surrounded by nature that feels eternal, I feel so small. I have long forgotten about the hustling of cars, people, noise, and the city. I feel like I have entered into a new world, with just you and me here. Wish we could stay here, and forget about the other world. Exploring this world with you is such a good feeling. It's so wild, yet so peaceful. Just like your love.

How much further can we go?
Because I want to get lost with you.

waking up next to you

I hear the birds sing like the world is their stage. 

I feel the warm sun kiss my skin as it peaks through the blinds. 

I slowly blink awake. 

I feel your body next to me, 

intertwined with mine like we are one. 

The sound of you breathing gives me life. 

Your hands caressing my body sends me an electric feeling. 

I feel so warm and safe in your arms. 

I turn over and your ocean blue eyes meet mine.

Then you kiss me and say good morning.

Oh what a feeling that is. 

Nothing is better than waking up next to you.

why i like to write

I like to write. It lets out my thoughts and feelings out. And it feels good. I wish I wrote a lot earlier. But ever since I started writing almost two years ago, I became attached to it. Now, it's a necessary thing. I need to write. My thoughts were always trapped in a cage. I need to let them out.

I started to write my own words because I became obsessed with reading other writings. It made me feel like I'm not the only one. It makes me feel so good within my soul that I just want to do the same to somebody.

i am

I Am - Awolnation

All of these things made me who I am

Maybe all of these things made me who I am

Maybe all of these things made me who I am

And I am

Only looking up when my head's down

I wish you could hear all the words I'm too afraid to say.

i can't stop thinking about it

You know that one thing you can't stop thinking about? 

It keeps you up at night and you have a wave of emotions going on. Even when you try so hard to forget, it just creeps back up whenever it feels like. That one thing. I still think about it, even if it's in the past. You're supposed to move on and forget about it, but not me. When things go wrong with me, I will forever remember it. Years will past, and I will still remember that terrible moment. That feeling of stupidity and embarrassment. And you just want to run away or not even exist anymore. But sometimes, at the end of the day, I have to remind myself that I survived 100% of my worst days, I think I will be alright.

just start

"Start now. 
Start where you are. 
Start with fear. 
Start with pain. 
Start with doubt. 
Start with hands shaking. 
Start with voice trembling, but start. 
Start and don't stop. 
Start where you are, with what you have. 
Just... start."

- Ijeoma Umebinyuo

to be human

To be human is finding who you are.

To be human is to make mistakes.

To be human is to cry.

To be human is to fail.

To be human is to not be okay.

To be human is to be scared.

To be human is confusing

To be human is complicated.

To be human is to be alive.

a sky full of stars

A Sky Full of Stars - Coldplay

Cause you're a sky, cause you're a sky full of stars

I wanna die in your arms

Cause you get lighter the more it gets dark

I'm gonna give you my heart

say it

If you have something to say, say it.

Most of the time, you'll never have the opportunity to tell someone something.

Say it before it's too late.

let's go for a walk

Grab my hand and let's go.

I love going on walks. It's just so nice and relaxing. I feel like I haven't appreciate life outside as much because of the busy life or the constant tiredness. Sometimes all I want to do is go home and sleep. But I've been going on these wonderful walks with a wonderful person and it just feels great. It's nice to just get away for a while. During my walk, I pass by couples holding hands, children running around, cyclers, joggers, and friends laughing way too hard. I'm happy that these people are enjoying their time. I also notice the small and beautiful things in life. I inhale the smell of spring flowers just beginning to bloom. I feel the gentle cool breeze of the evening air. And nothing is as breathtaking as watching the sun set over the lake. Life can take us over sometimes that we forget about these simple things. Going outside can remind us of the world we live in and appreciate the beauty of earth. And I want to explore as much as I can in this big world.

took this photo on the beach

craving you

It pains me whenever we have to say goodbye. The times when we are together are the best times. Even if we just sit there watching a movie together, I just feel so at peace with you. It is a whole lot better than being alone. I want to be alone with you. 

There are times when we do need some space. And times when we are too busy for each other. But I'm wondering, how long? How long until the busy life is over? If it is ever over. How long until we see each other again? Days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months. And I'm worried. Lack of communication leaves too much room for the imagination. What if you don't want me anymore? What if I'm not good enough? What if? I tried to reach for you, but you seem to push away. I'm wondering if you even miss me as much as I miss you. And there even came a time where I just want to give up. 

But right now, I crave you. So much.

Craving for spontaneous adventures, laughing, and good times.

I crave your hugs, your smiles, your voice.

When your eyes look into mine, it ignites a fire deep within my soul.

And I feel alive.

Maybe I'll understand your busy life someday. 

Maybe it'll be my turn.

But in the meantime, I'm going to support you.

I want to because I believe in us.

I want to because I love you.

I want to because loving you is a spontaneous adventure. 

forgiveness

Have you ever forgiven someone simply because you want them to stay in your life? Even though they may not deserve it, you would do anything for them. It is better to forgive and forget than having to fight with your loved ones and then regretting everything you have said. I think because once we lose someone, there won't be anyone out there like them. That's why we choose these people to be our friends. Losing that someone hurts more than anything and it leaves you with only memories you have spent time together. And it hurts to look back and remember how everything was so perfect. 

Every person you meet will teach you something valuable in life. You also get to grow and learn more about yourself. The ones that make an effort to stay with you are the most important ones. They are there with you on this journey of life for a reason. They are special. 

Cherish them. 

Love them. 

Keep them.

"Forgiveness says you are given another chance to make a new beginning."

- Desmond Tutu

ten years time

Where do you see yourself in ten years? This is one of life's most scariest question. I've realized a lot can happen in just one year. But ten years? I honestly don't know. Anything can happen. These past couple of years, I've learned more about myself and the struggle for happiness. I have accepted the fact that it's okay to fail. Being successful means a series of trial and error. I don't think anyone has made it to the top without falling down first. Believing in yourself will get you to the future that you always dream of.

Ten years from now, I hope...

To be working in a career that I love doing

To own a nice house or apartment

Happily married

To be healthy

To be constantly writing and creating

To be happy

Where do you see yourself in ten years?

believe

Believe - Mumford & Sons

So open up my eyes

Tell me I'm alive

This is never gonna go our way

If I'm gonna have to guess what's on your mind

books

How could a set of written pages either break me or make me whole?

This is what books do to me.

trapped

"I found hell in my head and heaven in other people; 

they could never collide at the same time. 

And when they did I was still burning in the fire.

Sometimes I feel like my life is a wild beast trapped in an unlocked cage, 

and it is awfully afraid on what lies on the other side. 

That is what hell is like; 

having something viciously brilliant inside of you, 

but not believing in it enough to set it free."

- R. M. Drake

introvert

Introvert
a person who is energized by spending time alone. Often found in their homes, libraries, quiet parks, or other secluded places. Introverts like to think and be alone.

I see and hear things, but I keep it to myself. My mind goes through a roller coaster of thoughts, but I don't say much. I am quiet, shy, more reserved. I am an introvert. Many people (extroverts) often don't like being around introverts because they are quiet and boring. However, some may have great social lives. If you are like me, I find it sometimes exhausting to socialize and I would need some time alone to recharge. This doesn't mean that I am self-absorbed or oblivious to others, I simply rely on my thoughts to guide me. I may take my time to gather my thoughts and information because I want to make it right to share it to the world.

Sometimes I have to go out and be an extrovert for awhile, but I'd get stumped. I would not know how to start a conversation or keep it going, or I would be stuck on making small talk. In my mind, I'd be thinking of going back home and curl up in bed with a book. That's one of the downsides of being an introvert. I just don't know what to say to people. I'm the type of person who'd rather stay in than go to a party or social event. I just find it more comforting. I restore myself when I'm alone. If I had a chance to change to an extrovert, I would not. I don't mind being an introvert, in fact I like being one. And meeting another person like me is the most amazing feeling ever. I like having a few close friends and staying at home. Nothing is better than that.

Which one are you? 

Introvert or extrovert? 

Or both?

goosebumps

Listening to good music

Watching the sun set

Reading an emotional scene of a book

Watching a horror movie

Feeling a cold breeze

When you play with my hair

Running your fingers down my back

And kissing you

Those give me goosebumps.

robbers

Robbers - The 1975

I'll give you one more time

We'll give you one more fight

Said one more line

Will I know you

art

As a child, my imagination was wild and endless. If I was given a blank piece of paper with crayons, I would give you my own version of a masterpiece. But now, I would probably stare at the paper not knowing what to do with it. I feel like as I'm getting older, I'm lacking imagination. It's kind of hard when everything we do gets judged. This restricts us and puts a barrier from what we really want to do. I fear the arts. Why? Because you are supposed to be talented. I look at other people's beautiful creations and I'm just in awestruck. I would never be able to do that. I feel like it's a competition, but it should not be. I believe everyone is an artist in their own way. It is supposed to be a way to express any emotions or feelings into a work of art. And it should all be accepted. 

I need to tell myself to not be scared. I want to let my mind explore the possibilities that I can do that I have yet to discover. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make my soul grow. I want to be inspired, and I probably already am by others. I want my art to define who I am and share a part of me to the world. I want to have created something.

is there a way out?

"She held a globe in her hand and then spun it over and over again, all in search for a way out of this world."

- Bshayer F.R

homesick

Hiraeth

(n.) a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was, the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past

I just want to go home.

Even though I'm sitting at home, I feel homesick.

I don't know where my real home is.

I'm homesick to a time, a place that doesn't even exist.

How can I come home?

follow me

"Follow me."

elastic heart

Elastic Heart - Sia

Well, I've got thick skin and an elastic heart,

But your blade it might be too sharp

I'm like a rubber band until you pull too hard,

I may snap and I move fast

But you won't see me fall apart

Cause I've got an elastic heart

i understand

Blood. 

It's all over the bathroom sink. 

I see a small paring knife beside the sink with red on the tip. 

Panic overtook me and I feel afraid. I'm not used to seeing blood other than my own. 

I called out his name. It should only be us in this house. 

My eyes followed the trail of blood down the sink and onto the tile. 

I slowly follow it, leading me outside and into the bedroom. I'm shaking with horror. 

And there he is, sitting on the floor, covering his blood-soaked wrist. 

I then heard something. I realized it was me letting out a scream. 

He was crying and I was crying. 

I asked him why. And I finally understand. 

I now know how it feels like when somebody sees me like this. When I'm at my worst. 

It broke me apart seeing him crashing down, wanting to escape so badly like how I wanted to. 

And now I understand.

silence

You know you're comfortable with someone when you two can sit there without a word. Silence. Others may find it too awkward, but I don't. Sometimes you don't need words, but simply just being there. Knowing that someone can stick up with me is more than enough. It's something special. It brings us closer together. A bonding. Looking at each other's eyes like it's the first time we ever saw beauty. Just the presence of you is all I need.

hello 2015

I can't believe we have reached the year 2015. It feels weird. It flew by so fast. 2014 has been a very rocky year for me. It felt like my world is collapsing and I was completely upside down. There was nothing to do but watch my life crumble. Work, stress, depression, loneliness — it came to me all at once. Everything seemed impossible. There even came a time when I was really sick for more than a week, and I was not myself for a few months. And nobody noticed. I cried. And I cried. And I cried. It was just way too much for me.

But a few months before the end of 2014, something happened to me that I never thought would. I met someone. It was someone I talked to over the internet. I have never in my life met someone online. We talked and talked, and I found myself falling for him. We are so alike in many ways and I didn't think that was possible. I never thought I would find someone who understands completely what I go through sometimes. Not even my friends. But this person is different. Something special about him I can't quite put into words. Now it's almost been 3 months since we met. And whenever I see him, it made me forget about all my problems, and I feel so much happier with him.

I really hope 2015 is the year for me to start anew. This will be a new chapter in my life for me to write about. I hope this year will be a better year. I can't wait to make new memories this year with the people in my life. And I hope to meet more amazing people. I wish all of you beautiful writers a happy, prosperous new year. Let's bring it on 2015!