Eat. Sleep. Read. Fangirl.

December 20, 2016

it's over

I wanted you to fight for me. I gave you so many chances. One too many. Every chance, I was hoping you'd love me. I had faith in you. But two years is a very long time to not have it figured out. I wanted to know what I meant to you. If you'd really love me and wanted me in your life, you'd made sure I know that. You would do anything to keep me by your side, no matter what. I did love you. And I probably still do. You have showed me new things in life that I have never tried. And I will never forget those amazing adventures we had. From exploring the waterfalls and hiking trails in Hamilton, exploring and eating tasty foods in Montreal, going to Ripley's Aquarium and getting lost in Toronto, going camping for the first time with you and your family, going to Halloween Haunt at Canada's Wonderland and getting scared with you, the many lazy days just cuddling and watching TV shows with you, and freezing our faces off at Niagara Falls in the middle of winter.

But that love feels one sided and it feels like I gave you the love I wish you had given me. I wanted the man I'd hoped you would become. A partner that unconditionally loves me.

And honestly, I would never think that this would happen. That we would be broken up. When we first started dating, we had this deep bond and connection that I never shared with anyone else before. And I thought to myself, we're gonna make it. He's the one. But your feelings of love is totally different from mine and I just don't quite understand you. I'd hope that I would be the one to show you what love is and that you as a human being need love. We all need love. I really do genuinely hope you do find love one day. And when you do, I hope you find pieces of me that you'll regret losing.

September 17, 2016

i feel infinite

"It's much easier to not know things sometimes. 
Things change and friends leave. 
And life doesn't stop for anybody. 
I wanted to laugh. Or maybe get mad. 
Or maybe shrug at how strange everybody was, especially me. 
I think the idea is that every person has to live for his or her own life 
and then make the choice to share it with other people. 
You can't just sit there and put everybody's lives ahead of yours 
and think that counts as love. 
You just can't. You have to do things. 
I'm going to do what I want to do. 
I'm going to be who I really am. 
And I'm going to figure out what that is. 
And we could all sit around and wonder and feel bad about each other 
and blame a lot of people for what they did or didn't do 
or what they didn't know. I don't know. 
I guess there could always be someone to blame. 
It's just different. 
Maybe it's good to put things in perspective, but sometimes, 
I think that the only perspective is to really be there. 
Because it's okay to feel things. 
I was really there. 
And that was enough to make me feel infinite. 
I feel infinite."

- Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

* * *
I still fall in love with this quote every time I read this.

August 8, 2016

I wanna wake up where you are.

June 26, 2016

i miss you

I miss you. 

It's been too long.
Even though we skype every week, it's just not the same.
I need to feel you. Touch you. Hold you.
I want to feel you breathing as I lay my head against your chest.
I want to feel your eyes on me when I look away.
I want this every day.
To get a good morning kiss before we start our day and then end it with cuddles after a tiring day.

I miss you.

Being so far from you has made me learn a lot of things.
Not seeing you every day can be hard, but you're always there when I need you. 
Distance also makes the heart grow stronger. 
We treasure every moment when we see each other. 
And we learned how to effectively communicate with each other.
Since we are both introverted, our love language is by touch. 
We may not be the best at talking, but we communicate by hugging, cuddling, and caressing each

I miss you.

Sometimes I wonder what your day is like every day. How work was, what you ate. I always wonder if you're happy or if something made you upset. I always wonder what you're doing right now. If you're thinking about me. 

I miss you.

I am counting down the days until I get to see you again. 
You make me realize how much I really miss you being by my side. 

I miss you. So much.

June 11, 2016

bored to death

Bored to Death - Blink-182

And it's a long way back from seventeen
The whispers turn into a scream
And I'm, I'm not coming home