snow

White. Fluffy. Cold. Wet. 

Snow.

 Everything is covered in a soft blanket of snow and the scene before me transformed, making it a magical land full of wonder and beauty. 

Something seems so peaceful about that.

 Though delicate, snow is icy and cold.

And every snowflake gently falling is unique and beautiful in its own way, just like every human. 

When the Christmas lights are on, I find myself smiling. Life has been so dull and busy that I haven't been feeling festive and joyful. 

Christmas is just around the corner, 

and it gives me a bit of hope. 

Hope that things will work out. 

Hope that the last month of the year will make a difference. 

Hope that I will start the new year with goals and making it right. 

Hope that it will be a good one. 

I just have to believe.

madness

I've been stuck.

It's like I've been going in circles and I'm back to where I started.

It feels like I'm going nowhere. No where close to where I want to be.

I just want to be happy. To be free.

I don't know where to find that, but I hope I get there soon.

I just don't know what's good anymore.

I'm constantly overthinking the possibilities, to the point of madness.

Because I am mad. Mad at myself.

I can't deny that I'm mad at the world too. I wonder, why me?

My thoughts scare me. I need to stop.

All I just want is for this to work.

And I am so desperate for answers. 

My obsession with finding out the answers became unhealthy.

I was paranoid. 

I was scared.

I felt nothing and I felt everything.

I just need to know what is happening.

I fear uncertainty. That is one of the worst feelings.

The feeling of not knowing something.

And you can't do anything about it.

The answers will come eventually.

I just need to be patient with myself.

becoming you

This is a video that really inspired me after watching this. So much that I wanted to write a post about it. Troye Sivan is a youtuber and makes awesome videos. You should check him out! <3

I think becoming yourself may be the scariest thing that every person goes through. We are given this one life and we go through this long journey to find out who we are. Who we really are. We might all be blind because your true self is the most beautiful self of you. I hate the idea that people want to become someone they're not. We are obsessed with the idea that we're not good enough, not pretty enough. And honestly, I've felt those feelings more than enough. If you want to do the things that you've always wanted to do, then do it. Who cares what people think. You do you. Do the things that others are too scared to do. 

"Let yourself be the person you secretly wanted to be." 

- Troye Sivan

touch

The feeling when you touch me. 

Just a light, simple touch of your hand in mine gives me butterflies in my stomach.

The way you just look at me with your beautiful blue eyes and smile at me.

I miss you holding me like I'm your world.

I could spend the whole day just cuddling with you.

And when we kiss, it feels like fireworks are exploding inside my head.

Your hands tracing my skin leaves me breathless.

And I can't help but wanting more.

More of your cuddles. More of your kisses. More of your touches.

More of you.

Am I selfish? I'm afraid to say that yes I am.

I just don't want anyone else having you.

I want to be the only girl for you.

The only one you have feelings for.

The only one who can make your heart pound.

So please don't fall in love with someone else.

yellow flicker beat

Yellow Flicker Beat - Lorde

This is the start of how it all ever ends

They used to shout my name, now they whisper it

I'm speeding up and this is the

Red, orange, yellow flicker beat sparking up my heart

I cannot wait for Mockingjay Part 1!!! This song is perfect and so goood! <3